So I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job. I went to sleep anxious about it and then woke up still feeling devastated. I guess I'm back to my same old routine. Seven times I've applied for jobs and seven times I've been turned down. I'm feeling the need to either go back to school or get serious about this baby stuff. Or both. I've been looking into USU and WGU's teaching programs. So here's two reasons why I'm glad for this turn down:
1. I still get to walk to work. Even though I don't like the fact, but I am gaining weight. And I think it's a portion of PCOS and a less than healthy diet. I know without my daily walk I would be in even a worse place. Plus I wonder if it's keeping the PCOS more at bay than I thought. If that's the case, then I'm grateful. If it's not, well atleast I would be way fatter without that walk. Plus I get to be outside everyday! What nymph wouldn't love that??
2. Frankly, it incited a change in me. I really thought I had this in the bag. This really kind of proves to me that I do need a degree or something that will help me become truly more valuable. If my charisma and youth is slipping then maybe it's time to get down to business. Thinking about having my own classroom makes me very happy. Thinking that it could actually be a possibility makes me even happier.
So there. I felt more anxious than I ever might have in my life about this. I'm not sure why. But I'm turning the other cheek. It's time to keep going and to figure out what to do. I am valuable in a special Nymph kind of way.
And just to clarify - I would be a FLIPPING good teacher.
No! I WILL be a FLIPPING good teacher!!!
~Nymph
also, I need to sneak in here an embarrassing story.
So... I'm married. I hope you all know that this means that Atlantean and I have sex. Big surprise, I know. But I get a lot of books out at the library, and out of curiosity of sex positions that increase fertility, I got a book entitled "Modern Kama Sutra" that was kinda raunchy.
But let me repeat that, I get a LOT of books out of the library. I am nearly at 50 every single time, which is my card's limit. So one night when we go into the library to get our holds and check them out, I don't have enough room on my card. So seeing the raunchy-ness of the sex book, I decided it wasn't for me and returned it to have more room on my card. But it didn't register right away and I just needed to check out ONE thing. So I asked the librarian if she could see what was wrong. She said it looked like the item hadn't cleared yet, and would I please step into the back with her to find the book I claimed I had just returned so I could have more room on my card?
I was NOT about to search through a pile of books for this old lady to think I was some kind of pervert, so my face got all flushed and I lied, telling her I didn't remember what book it was, and you know what, I'll wait for the book anyway, thanks for the help though. I'm pretty sure she thought I was trying to scam her or something but the alternative was worse, so I buttoned my lip and left shame faced.
Just thought that should be recorded for posterity because I was PRETTY embarrassed.
Friday, November 9, 2018
Thursday, November 8, 2018
November 8th
I am really anxious right now. I went in for an interview with USDB and I feel like I didn't do AMAZING. I did alright. But there were only three questions, and I fudged one really badly. I REALLY want this job. It's full time. It's hard work, and it's working closer to the blind kids. I really want to be there in that amazing atmosphere. My stomach is in knots. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get it. I just GAAAAAAAH.
We went and saw Come From Away last night. It was incredible. I was on the verge of tears 3 times and cried on the fourth. That show is seamless and ingenious in it's blocking and design. Atlantean liked it so much that we bought him a t shirt and a lapel pin.
Okay I feel better. A coworker brought me a fidget cube and stress ball, Atlantean called and Brownie is talking me down over text. I have people who love me...
We've gotten three emails from Wolfman! He even sent one crazy list of questions just for Atlantean and I!
My old friend Leprechaun has been getting in contact with me lately. I'm gonna call her Leprechaun because she wants to go to Ireland with me and she's waffled with her gender a little bit (and there are no female Leprechauns apparently?) The other morning, she sent me a huge rant of how much she loved and she appreciated being my friend and how she'll never find anyone like me. In fact, it's so important to me, I'm going to write it out here:
"Does it ever just hit you? That we can't go back to who we were? I feel like I keep looking for you. Even if its just a sliver. A piece. I was with my friend Jasamine today and we were discussing poetry and our political views and she allowed me to look into her soul. And I was just hit with a flood of you. I miss you so much. Our relationship, who we were, it was so easy, like breathing. And now? Now it's hard. Life stopped being good and gradually things happened and they aren't good anymore. I know that I had to leave. I know that Utah didn't provide growing room for me personally. I just wish I didn't have to leave you. I'm sorry for everything, Nymph. I am grateful for the experiences Pensacola has brought me. I'm grateful for the people I have met here. People whom I've come to love and to call family. I just wish I could go back sometimes. TO a time when life was simple and all I had to worry about was a little homework. Sorry for my rant it just kinda hit me. There will never in this lifetime be another Nymph Atlantean Whiting (my full name). You are indeed one of a kind. Oh goodness how lucky I am to have befriended you and to love you."
I was shocked! This came out of the blue. We reconnect every once in a while, but to hear her emotions so raw! It was amazing and wonderful and we chatted for a while about what the future should hold for us. One of the things I keep nearest and dearest to my heart about my association with Leprechaun is that she and I used to play one of my Simprov games in the cemetery and we called it "Carruth." It was our kingdom and we played the princes and princesses associated. We tackled badguys, had weddings, gathered magicians, and created relationships between characters and kingdoms. It was a lot of fun, and honestly, playing in all that open air with my best friend with really cool characters made me feel as if it was almost noble and a little bit sacred. It was a really cool part of my life. I still want to continue writing the story because I really did like the characters we created. It was honestly and sincerely kinda.... magical.
Tonight we're having the first meeting of a writing group that I've wanted to try. I'm just pulling together my critical writing friends and seeing if we can piece together an episode of a sitcom. We're going to be attempting it with Goblin, his wife and our other writing friend. I hope it goes okay. I'm nervous!
I don't think Mermaid is doing fantastic. She seems to be kind of plastering on a smile whenever I see her. I made cool books with her the other day! Though I may have already mentioned that. I hope she's doing okay. She has a lot of work time. Must be rich by now lol. Also we recently found out that my cousin has some serious mental issues going on and a girl I've been trying to be friends with is having issues in her marriage with her husband viewing inappropriate things. I'm confident to put this on here because I don't think anyone reads this blog and I kind of just keep it up as a journal for myself. I feel so terribly for this young bride. It breaks my heart what the evils of the world can do to good institutions like marriage.
Atlantean kept saying how glad he is to have me in his life. I adore him. We had a good time in Salt Lake City last night. I like being with him very much :) I'm excited to go to Seattle soon with him! One year anniversary! Wow :) Also, I can confidently drive the car pretty well and I'm pretty happy with my piano skills recently.
~Nymph
We went and saw Come From Away last night. It was incredible. I was on the verge of tears 3 times and cried on the fourth. That show is seamless and ingenious in it's blocking and design. Atlantean liked it so much that we bought him a t shirt and a lapel pin.
Okay I feel better. A coworker brought me a fidget cube and stress ball, Atlantean called and Brownie is talking me down over text. I have people who love me...
We've gotten three emails from Wolfman! He even sent one crazy list of questions just for Atlantean and I!
My old friend Leprechaun has been getting in contact with me lately. I'm gonna call her Leprechaun because she wants to go to Ireland with me and she's waffled with her gender a little bit (and there are no female Leprechauns apparently?) The other morning, she sent me a huge rant of how much she loved and she appreciated being my friend and how she'll never find anyone like me. In fact, it's so important to me, I'm going to write it out here:
"Does it ever just hit you? That we can't go back to who we were? I feel like I keep looking for you. Even if its just a sliver. A piece. I was with my friend Jasamine today and we were discussing poetry and our political views and she allowed me to look into her soul. And I was just hit with a flood of you. I miss you so much. Our relationship, who we were, it was so easy, like breathing. And now? Now it's hard. Life stopped being good and gradually things happened and they aren't good anymore. I know that I had to leave. I know that Utah didn't provide growing room for me personally. I just wish I didn't have to leave you. I'm sorry for everything, Nymph. I am grateful for the experiences Pensacola has brought me. I'm grateful for the people I have met here. People whom I've come to love and to call family. I just wish I could go back sometimes. TO a time when life was simple and all I had to worry about was a little homework. Sorry for my rant it just kinda hit me. There will never in this lifetime be another Nymph Atlantean Whiting (my full name). You are indeed one of a kind. Oh goodness how lucky I am to have befriended you and to love you."
I was shocked! This came out of the blue. We reconnect every once in a while, but to hear her emotions so raw! It was amazing and wonderful and we chatted for a while about what the future should hold for us. One of the things I keep nearest and dearest to my heart about my association with Leprechaun is that she and I used to play one of my Simprov games in the cemetery and we called it "Carruth." It was our kingdom and we played the princes and princesses associated. We tackled badguys, had weddings, gathered magicians, and created relationships between characters and kingdoms. It was a lot of fun, and honestly, playing in all that open air with my best friend with really cool characters made me feel as if it was almost noble and a little bit sacred. It was a really cool part of my life. I still want to continue writing the story because I really did like the characters we created. It was honestly and sincerely kinda.... magical.
Tonight we're having the first meeting of a writing group that I've wanted to try. I'm just pulling together my critical writing friends and seeing if we can piece together an episode of a sitcom. We're going to be attempting it with Goblin, his wife and our other writing friend. I hope it goes okay. I'm nervous!
I don't think Mermaid is doing fantastic. She seems to be kind of plastering on a smile whenever I see her. I made cool books with her the other day! Though I may have already mentioned that. I hope she's doing okay. She has a lot of work time. Must be rich by now lol. Also we recently found out that my cousin has some serious mental issues going on and a girl I've been trying to be friends with is having issues in her marriage with her husband viewing inappropriate things. I'm confident to put this on here because I don't think anyone reads this blog and I kind of just keep it up as a journal for myself. I feel so terribly for this young bride. It breaks my heart what the evils of the world can do to good institutions like marriage.
Atlantean kept saying how glad he is to have me in his life. I adore him. We had a good time in Salt Lake City last night. I like being with him very much :) I'm excited to go to Seattle soon with him! One year anniversary! Wow :) Also, I can confidently drive the car pretty well and I'm pretty happy with my piano skills recently.
~Nymph
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