October 5th

It's crazy how time passes and we change. I'm trying to climatize myself more to the rapid changes or lack thereof. How one thing changes so flawlessly to the next or stays stoically and stubbornly stalwart. I want to get used to it. I think I might be more than I think.

There's one major thing in our life that I really feel like I need to write about, and I REALLY pray this blog is private and that I don't actually have anyone reading, because this is private information but something I feel I need to write about.

We... want to have a baby.

Yeah. I know. Kinda crazy huh? I remember the first couple months of our marriage and thinking how I was so not ready for any kind of change that big anytime soon. I'm not claiming I even am now. But the Lord has blessed us both with such a peace in our hearts about the issue that we don't feel a lot of fear going into it. We've been validated by a couple of sources now. Let me explain my story.

I was literally just sitting at work (let me see if I can give this justice) and I think I was reading the Ensign, when I felt the desire for a child. Now, admittedly, I was on Metformin at the time and this is what I blamed, since it makes me super fertile, which I thought could lead to me wanting a baby due to my biological clock. But later, Atlantean had been expressing desires how he wouldn't mind a baby girl first and then we just started talking about it. Soon theoretical starting sounding like realities. Then I guess we both got to thinking about it, maybe even seriously. I guess that's what led me to feel the way I felt that day at work. At first I tried to convince myself that it was some kind of mantle being placed upon me because I felt it really strongly. But then I realized that it was God telling me that now is the time. I told him I would really appreciate it if Atlantean got the same feelings and revelation since we would be doing it together after all...

Now I will admit that the Mormon/LDS culture is one that pushes marriage and family. It's absolutely true. But the only reason that each parent enforces it so much is because according to our religion, it is all that truly matters in the world. And it's true! The more I thought about it, all of the projects in my life seem to be distractions, just things I think up to accomplish. Even Atlantean agreed in some way, our life right now seems a little superficial, like nothing we does matters. To have a child would mean the world to both of us, and thanks to God's peace, we feel good about it. Maybe not truly ready! But good. And we know we want a family.

We even had multiple confirmations. On emailing Imp (my last post), she replied with "I'd love to be the aunt to an honorary niece or nephew." When I told Wolfman it was highly likely he'd come back to us with a baby, he emphatically announced, "I'd be down!" It was such a huge help to know that he would not be weirded out. He says babies make everything better. He really likes the idea and that means the world to me.
But most importantly of all, we went over to Atlantean's old house to get a blessing from his father, and his father said he wanted to talk to us about something. Now, we had not publicly told really anyone that we were getting serious about the idea (we still really haven't) but Atlantean's father is SUPER in touch with the spirit. He basically spends all day doing genealogy, reading Church books, he LOVES the gospel. Lives it with his every fiber, is crushed when people reject it. So when he sat us down to "talk to us about something" I instantly knew what it was. He talked about how he had no right to say this, but he testified that we should not put off having children, and that the Lord would provide for us when we chose to finally put it into affect.
Gall I just checked the ratings on this blog, and while 8 views is not a lot, I'm still nervous one of them is going to be my parents or something. They're the ones we're most excited to announce the news too. We even bought the way we're going to tell them over Amazon. I kind of hope it happens near Christmas so that we can give them it as a covert Christmas gift. I've already started reading What to Expect Before You're Expecting and I have the other more popular one at home.

I know this is a big decision. This will change everything. Somedays I get really excited, others a little dread starts to creep in. I really feel like it will hit us and the panic attacks will ensue after we actually find out we are. It still seems a little like a dream right now. I wonder sometimes if I already am considering I don't have periods and it's hard to tell. Apparently there will be other signs though.

More on that :)

Also, I just discovered a podcast musical called 36 questions and I'm telling you it's FLEEK. Coolest voices, cool music, cool story telling method. I might try to write a podcast musical! So cool!

~Nymph