October 5th

What is there not to say? I'm going to be a bride in almost 43 days, and the time seems to fly!

I recently got a new job at the Canyons School District - I'm a receptionist. And let me tell you, I didn't know what I had until it was gone. When I was working at BuyBuyBaby, I really had a good time, working hard. I had lots to do and plenty of people and purpose to interact with. Now I got hired here. And while I know it is a godsend and it pays better and is walkable from my new home when I move in with Atlantean - it is REALLY lacking in things to do. I essentially sit at a desk for hours on end, guarding the front door and making sure people know where they're going and transferring phone calls.

Now, I don't want to complain, because I know, in many ways, this job is a godsend, and I'm glad for it when we start our new life. But I'm really wondering why God put me here and what I'm supposed to learn. So I've been recently not trying to play the victim, which I personally think I'm good at, and I went and checked out loads of informational books at the library, and those are what I use to get me through the day. Books like, "GPS for Everyone" and "The Everything Alzheimers Book" and "Cats: 500 Questions Answered." I'm just trying to keep up on my education, trying to continue to learn and grow and now be stinted by the fact that I am trapped behind this desk. I'm also trying to plan for my future - what I want to do - and what I can do now to make that happen. I'm ambitious and I know it, and I want to become better - so I will try to make the best of this situation.

I have also been working on writing, which I though God was not giving me time for for a reason, but turns out it's been an excellent way to pass the time, because I really do enjoy writing. So I wrote the entire second installment to a 76 page script I wrote my first few weeks up at USU which I read out loud with my friends. I've figured I write scripts when I'm trying to cope with things - and this definitely was one of those times. This one turned out to be about 59 pages, and I'm still editing it, but I'm proud of it and always shocked about where they come from when I write them....

I will mention I went bridal dress shopping with Dryad and Pixie a couple months ago, and it was so fun and the pictures were so cute, I thought it was worth writing about. We went to NPS (of all places!) to go look at some wedding dresses. Dryad and Pixie both fell in love with a lacy one on me that made me look (I thought) like a rich man's wife in a nightgown coming out on her balcony in the middle of the night. No doubt it was pretty and I was appreciative of their support and their fun loving sides that came out in this endeavor, and their passion for a certain dress type and wanting to see me in it, but I went with an earlier discovery in a small dress shop in the basement of a woman's cabin. It is a lovely dress that we decided to pair with a fur shawl (which I'm SUPER excited about) and gold accents and which Atlantean is NOT allowed to see until the wedding. What can we say? We like our gender roles. But I can say this much - as far as I'm concerned, I look like Queen Audrey Hepburn, and I am okay with it. (I also convinced Atlantean to buy us crowns from off Wish.com, which are still shipping. Hey. You only get to be a new king and queen once. I wanted to honor that)

Anyway, I am still madly in love with my Atlantean, whom makes my days bright and makes my nights worthwhile. He recently really pulled me out of a stupor that I was starting to fall into, and took me out to get lots of things done and make me feel good again. :) Last night, we cuddled, even though we're probably not supposed to, considering he is sick and I have a total of three bridal showers to attend and have fun at this month (things are actually happening! Aaaaah!) I think, so far I've gotten lucky and haven't gotten sick yet, but I don't think we want to continue taking our chances.

Speaking of three bridal showers - I have my first one coming up this Saturday, which is one thrown by my aunts and a family only bridal shower, which I am super excited about. I'm pretty sure once it happens - it's official, ya know? Like I am REALLY getting married, once I have the traditional family bridal shower. And I'm super excited to start taking these next few steps forward since life is not meant to be lived in limbo (even if there are valuable lessons you can learn while there.)
Then after that, my friend has agreed (Thank you Siren!!) to throw me a bachelorette party! Day of the Dead themed and everything! I am really excited to maybe attempt to make some Day of the Dead cake pops and some traditional Dia De Los Muertos foods with my mom, sparkle up each others faces with some sticky jewels, and plays some games! I'm particularly excited about a game where they filmed Steven's answers to questions about me - and then we get to watch it. I'm excited about that :#3. And THEN on the 24th of October, we're having a  WARD Bridal shower - thrown by this wonderful lady who just wants to show me how much she adores me, and I have no clue why! But she is the nicest woman, and I'm really excited to just sit back and just show up to do nothing and get presents. I actually asked that it be a non-perishable food shower so that I could get some good food storage started right away and maybe not have to make that dreaded first grocery trip any more painful than it's already going to be.

I've also been recently wandering around the neighborhood and getting an antique showcase as I ask for volunteer furniture for the theme of our wedding, which I'm not sure if I've already mentioned, but is "Abandoned City." It sounds crazy - but I think I can make it work. It's been really interesting setting up the appointments and talking to the women who are offering some very fun pieces of furniture. I feel like I'm getting to know my ward a lot better right before I'm expected to leave them and it does break my heart a little, but I've loved this experience and I'm hoping the women who have been helping me will not only be blessed, but will like what they see at the reception. I kind of want to make them proud :)

Aaaaaand then there is the news that I might be short one truck...
My sister, with her long time boyfriend (of atleast 6 months, maybe not forever, but a significant amount) recently felt like she needed a break, and told him so. It wasn't easy on either of them, but I admire my sister for her courage and intuition. I know I couldn't have done that, I'm too stupidly loyal and will endure to the end suffering rather than hurt someone like that. Which I think is why God gave me the easy way out, with a spouse I knew would be my husband within a matter of days. But Mermaid has a longer bumpier road ahead of her that will lead to her own happiness someday, and we're glad of that for her :) (But her boyfriend had a truck, and he offered it, but now we might be SOL for a little while...)

My recent endeavor with my life is to learn how to take disappointment better. Sometimes I break down instantly when things don't go as well, and I don't want to be like that anymore.  I want to be strong, and I want to realize things will not always go my way. That I need to trust in God, but also work harder to come up with a Plan B, and not panic when that falls through as well.

Feeling drained but not doing anything,
Nymph