Due to the urge from President Nelson to read the Book of Mormon for the women by the end of the year, I have made my small goal of just completing it from where I am by December. And I just wanna talk about something.
I was just reading along in 3 Nephi when suddenly the realization of this mortal reality struck me. It happens sometimes, but this time was strong. I was staring out the window as I realized what heaven would be like how different it would be and what I imagine we'll do there. I came to two realizations
One - it's terrifying. It's TERRIFYING to think that we are just small individuals with a huge vast purpose behind us that we can neither remember or either comprehend. We are just expected to do our best on this earth life right now which will determine our fate in the eternities and life to come. The REALNESS of that hit me. It made my head spin and it TERRIFIED me. Eternity is FOREVER. There is no end. What if I want an end? What if I don't like what we do up in heaven? It made me panic. The comforting thought of death, of a sure end was something I clung to, but to think I would enter a world where I would not only not be familiar but would also have huge responsibilities and powers and an ETERNITY to live was scary and alien and I was minorly petrified.
Two - Life can be boring, and this is something I've come to thrash and fight against. But I've been reading books about other people's lives and how they were hopeless, boring and monotonous. I have it so good and I still claim "boredom." It kind of hit me that's not what life is really supposed to be about. Whether our lives are full of experiences or full of the mundane, life is a test. Maybe that's part of it, but no matter what happens here, it's our choices on how to react to it that matter and we will ALL find joy in the eternities to come in the work there is to do and things there are to create.
I sure hope it all comes together. It's simultaneously scary and amazing.
~Nymph
P.S. Atlantean just called. He let me know that he didn't want all the "I miss you"'s and "I love you"'s to be lip service and he feels he is drawing himself away from me due to his video game. He feels like it's the onsets of addiction which can be slow, so he is making a goal tonight to spend it with me and not with the video game because he doesn't want anything to be more important than me.
I mean, ladies, HOW. HOW did I get THE BEST one? How????
Also I applied for a couple jobs. We're also talking to a gentleman in our old ward about what it takes to buy a house. We bought a mouth moving bull head for Atlantean's costume and got a good price on a tent and two sleeping bags. More updates on all later. :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
October 17th
I'm sitting here at 1:00 PM on October 17th, reading texts from my family as they send Wolfman off on his mission. I am holding back tears. 2 years is a long time to go without one of my best friends, and it's finally really happening. I swear I can feel the sorrow and the tears from my family from here. I worry for Wolfman's fear level. I don't want him to be scared. I'm glad my family is keeping me updated. When I think about writing him letters, I get a little more excited. I'm gonna be faithful and strong for him so that when he comes back, he'll be happy to see me. I'm gonna raise a kid (if God gives us one) and have so many projects and cool ideas in play.
That's one thing I'm learning about myself recently, is that even when I plan a project and start it but never finish it, my mind is always leaping onward to the next one. I don't get too discouraged on what didn't work out, but lately I've been getting so excited to start new things. Like now my new project is find a group of writers to attempt to write a single (or multiple) sitcom-esque episodes, start a D&D podcast (probably when Wolfman gets back, but I can spend these two years preparing) and in January to film a movie for Gangrene Film Festival. I'm also basically starting a new musical, though I may have mentioned that. I just want to keep going. I love to learn and do basically want to try everything, especially writing-wise.
~Nymph
That's one thing I'm learning about myself recently, is that even when I plan a project and start it but never finish it, my mind is always leaping onward to the next one. I don't get too discouraged on what didn't work out, but lately I've been getting so excited to start new things. Like now my new project is find a group of writers to attempt to write a single (or multiple) sitcom-esque episodes, start a D&D podcast (probably when Wolfman gets back, but I can spend these two years preparing) and in January to film a movie for Gangrene Film Festival. I'm also basically starting a new musical, though I may have mentioned that. I just want to keep going. I love to learn and do basically want to try everything, especially writing-wise.
~Nymph
Friday, October 12, 2018
October 12th
WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO NICE TO ME TODAY?!?
Today feels like a blessing pay off or something! This morning my mom came to pick me up to take me to work and then she offered to buy me food even when I promised myself I wouldn't ask for any since I always do, but she offered anyway! Then I got to run fun errands with her. When I got to work, I found out I had been 'boo-ed' which is this cute little thing my work does where we give around secret goodie baskets and then you have to 'boo' someone else with a secret goodie basket of your own. I really didn't mind the thought of never getting boo-ed because I know I'm not wildly popular in the office, but it was a nice surprise. Then a coworker came over and asked me about my life, another sympathized with me about the blandness of a cookie, another remembered that I was writing a murder mystery (that I'm still working on) and encouraged me calling me creative and another coworker gave me half of his Burger King takeout! Then we had a person come in to deliver paint, and I had three people come out to help me get it sorted!
So I had a cheesy snack, two bites of a sugar cookie and now a chicken sandwich when I brought a meager lunch myself! Maybe it's some kind of reward for letting Atlantean eat out today since we have NO food.
Everyone's being so nice to me~~~~! Plus my sister bought my ticket to Mission: Impossible- Fallout last night (good show: highly recommend!!) and then Atlantean let me go and offered to snuggle up with him for warmth when I got back. Fuzzy stayed with me, my shower was wonderful, my hair was cool, we found my cardigan. Happy things!!!
Things are good!
Also we went to our Owl City concert back on Tuesday and Atlantean let me buy an Owl City shirt! My "I AM" one was getting a little old (I actually got proposed to in it) and I've adored it, but Atlantean agreed it would be okay to get me a new t-shirt, so I got a black one with an outline of him and a lyric. The concert itself was probably the mildest I've ever been to (and I've only been to three) but it just seemed like everyone was just watching him and not dancing at all. I guess those are the kind of people who listen to his music. Thinkers and feelers. I tried to dance. Atlantean says sometimes he just watched me dance.
Our downtown trip actually went really successfully. I tried not to panic and overthink like I always do and told myself, "Whatever happens will happen and it will work out" and it did! We found a good nearby restaurant that we had a discount for and then we got to the concert on time just as the preshow was gone (didn't even see them) and Adam Young was up on stage. The first entrance was covered in people smoking, but we found his entrance to the side where it was much more empty and smoker-free. They even searched our persons! And we saw that it was going to rain so Atlantean grabbed his duster and I wore both our lighter jackets and we were glad we had them! It was cold and wet! But searching Atlantean's duster look awhile. After the concert, we walked up to Kappa's place of work, Oasis Games in Salt Lake City. It was more blocks than we remembered and we came only minutes before closing on a night that Kappa was leaving early on anyway. But he said a quick hello. He seems really happy :) His relationship with Dryad is as great as ever and he really seems to thrive at his job. I'm truly happy for him :)
We took TRAX back and at one point when we were alone in the car, I sat on his lap and we kissed and laughed about the people who could see us from their cars. I thought the whole trip went very successfully and because I really tried to keep calm about whatever happened, not only did it make whatever happened more enjoyable, but I feel like it also helped keep Atlantean calm when he fretted.
On Wednesday Atlantean and I met with three people at different times in the Marco's Pizza parking lot to give away some stuff I had put on the app "letgo." At first the app really freaked me out, talking to strangers and rendezvousing and maybe offending people, but I learned good lessons on how to deal with people and I got rid of a bag of dog food (Kalena's boyfriend), an automatic can opener (Ken), two bags of wood pellets (Dan - who showed up in a mustang!) and a coffee pod holder I had purchased thinking it was a spice rack (Veronica and her dogs). Still trying to get rid of a black garbage swing top, but I faced some fears!
I love how this week I told Atlantean we would work really hard on getting to bed at a reasonable hour and we (atleast I) have stayed up til midnight almost every day of the week.
Thursday Atlantean and I went and did some sealings. I was so amazed by how nice all the ladies in the temple were and wanted to talk to me afterward since they all found out it was my first time. They were so nice!! It was a lot less romantic than I thought it was going to be, but I wasn't too bored. Then my siblings took me out to Mission: Impossible - Fallout which I mentioned before. That about sums up my life right now!
Life's good!
~Nymph
Today feels like a blessing pay off or something! This morning my mom came to pick me up to take me to work and then she offered to buy me food even when I promised myself I wouldn't ask for any since I always do, but she offered anyway! Then I got to run fun errands with her. When I got to work, I found out I had been 'boo-ed' which is this cute little thing my work does where we give around secret goodie baskets and then you have to 'boo' someone else with a secret goodie basket of your own. I really didn't mind the thought of never getting boo-ed because I know I'm not wildly popular in the office, but it was a nice surprise. Then a coworker came over and asked me about my life, another sympathized with me about the blandness of a cookie, another remembered that I was writing a murder mystery (that I'm still working on) and encouraged me calling me creative and another coworker gave me half of his Burger King takeout! Then we had a person come in to deliver paint, and I had three people come out to help me get it sorted!
So I had a cheesy snack, two bites of a sugar cookie and now a chicken sandwich when I brought a meager lunch myself! Maybe it's some kind of reward for letting Atlantean eat out today since we have NO food.
Everyone's being so nice to me~~~~! Plus my sister bought my ticket to Mission: Impossible- Fallout last night (good show: highly recommend!!) and then Atlantean let me go and offered to snuggle up with him for warmth when I got back. Fuzzy stayed with me, my shower was wonderful, my hair was cool, we found my cardigan. Happy things!!!
Things are good!
Also we went to our Owl City concert back on Tuesday and Atlantean let me buy an Owl City shirt! My "I AM" one was getting a little old (I actually got proposed to in it) and I've adored it, but Atlantean agreed it would be okay to get me a new t-shirt, so I got a black one with an outline of him and a lyric. The concert itself was probably the mildest I've ever been to (and I've only been to three) but it just seemed like everyone was just watching him and not dancing at all. I guess those are the kind of people who listen to his music. Thinkers and feelers. I tried to dance. Atlantean says sometimes he just watched me dance.
Our downtown trip actually went really successfully. I tried not to panic and overthink like I always do and told myself, "Whatever happens will happen and it will work out" and it did! We found a good nearby restaurant that we had a discount for and then we got to the concert on time just as the preshow was gone (didn't even see them) and Adam Young was up on stage. The first entrance was covered in people smoking, but we found his entrance to the side where it was much more empty and smoker-free. They even searched our persons! And we saw that it was going to rain so Atlantean grabbed his duster and I wore both our lighter jackets and we were glad we had them! It was cold and wet! But searching Atlantean's duster look awhile. After the concert, we walked up to Kappa's place of work, Oasis Games in Salt Lake City. It was more blocks than we remembered and we came only minutes before closing on a night that Kappa was leaving early on anyway. But he said a quick hello. He seems really happy :) His relationship with Dryad is as great as ever and he really seems to thrive at his job. I'm truly happy for him :)
We took TRAX back and at one point when we were alone in the car, I sat on his lap and we kissed and laughed about the people who could see us from their cars. I thought the whole trip went very successfully and because I really tried to keep calm about whatever happened, not only did it make whatever happened more enjoyable, but I feel like it also helped keep Atlantean calm when he fretted.
On Wednesday Atlantean and I met with three people at different times in the Marco's Pizza parking lot to give away some stuff I had put on the app "letgo." At first the app really freaked me out, talking to strangers and rendezvousing and maybe offending people, but I learned good lessons on how to deal with people and I got rid of a bag of dog food (Kalena's boyfriend), an automatic can opener (Ken), two bags of wood pellets (Dan - who showed up in a mustang!) and a coffee pod holder I had purchased thinking it was a spice rack (Veronica and her dogs). Still trying to get rid of a black garbage swing top, but I faced some fears!
I love how this week I told Atlantean we would work really hard on getting to bed at a reasonable hour and we (atleast I) have stayed up til midnight almost every day of the week.
Thursday Atlantean and I went and did some sealings. I was so amazed by how nice all the ladies in the temple were and wanted to talk to me afterward since they all found out it was my first time. They were so nice!! It was a lot less romantic than I thought it was going to be, but I wasn't too bored. Then my siblings took me out to Mission: Impossible - Fallout which I mentioned before. That about sums up my life right now!
Life's good!
~Nymph
Friday, October 5, 2018
October 5th
It's crazy how time passes and we change. I'm trying to climatize myself more to the rapid changes or lack thereof. How one thing changes so flawlessly to the next or stays stoically and stubbornly stalwart. I want to get used to it. I think I might be more than I think.
There's one major thing in our life that I really feel like I need to write about, and I REALLY pray this blog is private and that I don't actually have anyone reading, because this is private information but something I feel I need to write about.
We... want to have a baby.
Yeah. I know. Kinda crazy huh? I remember the first couple months of our marriage and thinking how I was so not ready for any kind of change that big anytime soon. I'm not claiming I even am now. But the Lord has blessed us both with such a peace in our hearts about the issue that we don't feel a lot of fear going into it. We've been validated by a couple of sources now. Let me explain my story.
I was literally just sitting at work (let me see if I can give this justice) and I think I was reading the Ensign, when I felt the desire for a child. Now, admittedly, I was on Metformin at the time and this is what I blamed, since it makes me super fertile, which I thought could lead to me wanting a baby due to my biological clock. But later, Atlantean had been expressing desires how he wouldn't mind a baby girl first and then we just started talking about it. Soon theoretical starting sounding like realities. Then I guess we both got to thinking about it, maybe even seriously. I guess that's what led me to feel the way I felt that day at work. At first I tried to convince myself that it was some kind of mantle being placed upon me because I felt it really strongly. But then I realized that it was God telling me that now is the time. I told him I would really appreciate it if Atlantean got the same feelings and revelation since we would be doing it together after all...
Now I will admit that the Mormon/LDS culture is one that pushes marriage and family. It's absolutely true. But the only reason that each parent enforces it so much is because according to our religion, it is all that truly matters in the world. And it's true! The more I thought about it, all of the projects in my life seem to be distractions, just things I think up to accomplish. Even Atlantean agreed in some way, our life right now seems a little superficial, like nothing we does matters. To have a child would mean the world to both of us, and thanks to God's peace, we feel good about it. Maybe not truly ready! But good. And we know we want a family.
We even had multiple confirmations. On emailing Imp (my last post), she replied with "I'd love to be the aunt to an honorary niece or nephew." When I told Wolfman it was highly likely he'd come back to us with a baby, he emphatically announced, "I'd be down!" It was such a huge help to know that he would not be weirded out. He says babies make everything better. He really likes the idea and that means the world to me.
But most importantly of all, we went over to Atlantean's old house to get a blessing from his father, and his father said he wanted to talk to us about something. Now, we had not publicly told really anyone that we were getting serious about the idea (we still really haven't) but Atlantean's father is SUPER in touch with the spirit. He basically spends all day doing genealogy, reading Church books, he LOVES the gospel. Lives it with his every fiber, is crushed when people reject it. So when he sat us down to "talk to us about something" I instantly knew what it was. He talked about how he had no right to say this, but he testified that we should not put off having children, and that the Lord would provide for us when we chose to finally put it into affect.
Gall I just checked the ratings on this blog, and while 8 views is not a lot, I'm still nervous one of them is going to be my parents or something. They're the ones we're most excited to announce the news too. We even bought the way we're going to tell them over Amazon. I kind of hope it happens near Christmas so that we can give them it as a covert Christmas gift. I've already started reading What to Expect Before You're Expecting and I have the other more popular one at home.
I know this is a big decision. This will change everything. Somedays I get really excited, others a little dread starts to creep in. I really feel like it will hit us and the panic attacks will ensue after we actually find out we are. It still seems a little like a dream right now. I wonder sometimes if I already am considering I don't have periods and it's hard to tell. Apparently there will be other signs though.
More on that :)
Also, I just discovered a podcast musical called 36 questions and I'm telling you it's FLEEK. Coolest voices, cool music, cool story telling method. I might try to write a podcast musical! So cool!
~Nymph
There's one major thing in our life that I really feel like I need to write about, and I REALLY pray this blog is private and that I don't actually have anyone reading, because this is private information but something I feel I need to write about.
We... want to have a baby.
Yeah. I know. Kinda crazy huh? I remember the first couple months of our marriage and thinking how I was so not ready for any kind of change that big anytime soon. I'm not claiming I even am now. But the Lord has blessed us both with such a peace in our hearts about the issue that we don't feel a lot of fear going into it. We've been validated by a couple of sources now. Let me explain my story.
I was literally just sitting at work (let me see if I can give this justice) and I think I was reading the Ensign, when I felt the desire for a child. Now, admittedly, I was on Metformin at the time and this is what I blamed, since it makes me super fertile, which I thought could lead to me wanting a baby due to my biological clock. But later, Atlantean had been expressing desires how he wouldn't mind a baby girl first and then we just started talking about it. Soon theoretical starting sounding like realities. Then I guess we both got to thinking about it, maybe even seriously. I guess that's what led me to feel the way I felt that day at work. At first I tried to convince myself that it was some kind of mantle being placed upon me because I felt it really strongly. But then I realized that it was God telling me that now is the time. I told him I would really appreciate it if Atlantean got the same feelings and revelation since we would be doing it together after all...
Now I will admit that the Mormon/LDS culture is one that pushes marriage and family. It's absolutely true. But the only reason that each parent enforces it so much is because according to our religion, it is all that truly matters in the world. And it's true! The more I thought about it, all of the projects in my life seem to be distractions, just things I think up to accomplish. Even Atlantean agreed in some way, our life right now seems a little superficial, like nothing we does matters. To have a child would mean the world to both of us, and thanks to God's peace, we feel good about it. Maybe not truly ready! But good. And we know we want a family.
We even had multiple confirmations. On emailing Imp (my last post), she replied with "I'd love to be the aunt to an honorary niece or nephew." When I told Wolfman it was highly likely he'd come back to us with a baby, he emphatically announced, "I'd be down!" It was such a huge help to know that he would not be weirded out. He says babies make everything better. He really likes the idea and that means the world to me.
But most importantly of all, we went over to Atlantean's old house to get a blessing from his father, and his father said he wanted to talk to us about something. Now, we had not publicly told really anyone that we were getting serious about the idea (we still really haven't) but Atlantean's father is SUPER in touch with the spirit. He basically spends all day doing genealogy, reading Church books, he LOVES the gospel. Lives it with his every fiber, is crushed when people reject it. So when he sat us down to "talk to us about something" I instantly knew what it was. He talked about how he had no right to say this, but he testified that we should not put off having children, and that the Lord would provide for us when we chose to finally put it into affect.
Gall I just checked the ratings on this blog, and while 8 views is not a lot, I'm still nervous one of them is going to be my parents or something. They're the ones we're most excited to announce the news too. We even bought the way we're going to tell them over Amazon. I kind of hope it happens near Christmas so that we can give them it as a covert Christmas gift. I've already started reading What to Expect Before You're Expecting and I have the other more popular one at home.
I know this is a big decision. This will change everything. Somedays I get really excited, others a little dread starts to creep in. I really feel like it will hit us and the panic attacks will ensue after we actually find out we are. It still seems a little like a dream right now. I wonder sometimes if I already am considering I don't have periods and it's hard to tell. Apparently there will be other signs though.
More on that :)
Also, I just discovered a podcast musical called 36 questions and I'm telling you it's FLEEK. Coolest voices, cool music, cool story telling method. I might try to write a podcast musical! So cool!
~Nymph
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